I think it is part of human nature to distract oneself from certain situations. Consider other ways this phenomena has been described: to numb, dissociate, check out or zone out, even positive terms like compartmentalize or detach oneself. In many ways it is actually a blessing, a defense against things I could not survive experiencing. Consider the use of dissociation when abuse is experienced or a traumatic event occurs. However, there are other times when we numb as a way to escape more minor things in our lives. At the dinner table with extended family for a holiday event, our uncle is rambling on about something we care nothing about, and we decide we'll plan our weekend while we pretend to listen. It may be conscious and intentional, or it may be unintentional and something of which we are completely unaware.
Sometimes checking out is a way to cope with mild anxiety, difficult people in our lives, or boring tasks. Other times we choose to numb out because we do not want to feel certain emotions. Some of us simply don't want to feel anything intensely, regardless of whether the feeling is positive or negative. To this I say, expand yourself! Slowly and surely, build your capacity for emotional response to the relationships and experiences in your life. I say this with kindness and encouragement. I too am growing my capacity for feeling all of what my life stirs up inside of me.
Listening for the message in each moment is another reason to increase my capacity to be fully present. Dan Allender writes in his book The Healing Path, "We take in or we turn away. We hear the knock, or we ignore the noise and turn our attention more deliberately to other stimuli." I want to hear that knock and listen attentively to God, a close friend, or even my own heart in those moments.
Being more present means experiencing more of everything. Therefore, I anticipate needing more faith and hope for what lies ahead. If I am to walk through interactions that provoke anxiety, I need to have faith that I can handle it well. If I am going to engage my uncle at the dinner table I want to hope that the conversation will not end completely devoid of meaning for either one of us. As I move through a task that does not require my full attention, I want to have gratitude for what the tedious task means for my life as a larger whole. Grieving the loss of a friend to cancer, I will have faith that the sorrow will not consume me, but will be accompanied by a breadth of emotion that honors our friendship. These are only a few of the ways in which I intend to strive for more presence in my life. Increasing my capacity for the entire spectrum of human emotion available to me.
Being more present means experiencing more of everything. Therefore, I anticipate needing more faith and hope for what lies ahead. If I am to walk through interactions that provoke anxiety, I need to have faith that I can handle it well. If I am going to engage my uncle at the dinner table I want to hope that the conversation will not end completely devoid of meaning for either one of us. As I move through a task that does not require my full attention, I want to have gratitude for what the tedious task means for my life as a larger whole. Grieving the loss of a friend to cancer, I will have faith that the sorrow will not consume me, but will be accompanied by a breadth of emotion that honors our friendship. These are only a few of the ways in which I intend to strive for more presence in my life. Increasing my capacity for the entire spectrum of human emotion available to me.
Disclaimer: Please note, if your checking out is associated to current trauma or ongoing abuse, I am not suggesting here that you become more attune to your experiences. I don't think it wise to disarm you of your defenses while you are still in the fight. Please talk with a professional about what is going on in your life and get the assistance you might need.
